While a positive outlook is generally beneficial, extreme optimism—often referred to as toxic positivity—can be more harmful than helpful. Here's how to replace false reassurance with genuine resilience.
Whether you're familiar with the term or it's new to you, chances are you've encountered toxic positivity at work or home, possibly without realizing it. Though the concept is relatively new, it represents a common phenomenon seen in everyday life and media.
Consider Ted Lasso, the beloved coach from the popular TV show. Ted is celebrated for his unyielding optimism and motivational leadership. However, his tendency to overlook both his team’s and his struggles often leads to conflicts and exacerbates his anxiety.
Positivity undeniably has its merits, including improved health and enhanced professional performance. Consequently, it’s often encouraged and rewarded in the workplace. But there's a critical distinction between maintaining a positive outlook (which is healthy) and suppressing negative emotions (which is toxic). As Ted learns throughout his journey—and as you hopefully will too—the key to fostering true well-being and performance lies in creating a space where people feel safe to express their challenges and vulnerabilities. Let’s begin with the definition of what is toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is the act of dismissing or invalidating negative emotions, reactions, or experiences by offering empty reassurances. Common examples include:
While these statements often have good intent, they can backfire, making the recipient feel misunderstood or dismissed. This is where positivity crosses the line into toxicity.
Many people unknowingly engage in toxic positivity, driven by societal conditioning. From childhood through adulthood, we are frequently encouraged to "put on a happy face," "never let them see you sweat," and "think positive." The media reinforces this with messages like "good vibes only."
These overly sweet sentiments aim to comfort others or ease our discomfort. Positive reinforcement from friends or colleagues, such as praise for optimism or commendation for a positive attitude in performance reviews, perpetuates this behavior. Although well-meaning, this cycle of encouragement can ultimately lead to a toxic positivity mindset.
It's no surprise that toxic positivity is widespread. A survey by Science of People found that nearly 68% of respondents had experienced toxic positivity recently, and over 75% admitted to ignoring their own emotions in favor of appearing happy.
This issue is especially prevalent in the workplace, where companies often prioritize positive attitudes and build cultures centered on "professionalism"—sometimes at the expense of empathy and authenticity. Historically, to be seen as positive and professional, employees felt compelled to leave their true feelings at the door. Thankfully, this is beginning to change (a shift we fully support!), but there is still much progress to be made.
To move forward, it's crucial to understand why this common, well-meaning practice can become toxic and to adopt a more effective approach.
Optimism involves hopefulness and confidence about the future or a successful outcome. In contrast, toxic positivity is an extreme form of optimism that disregards negative emotions entirely. While optimistic individuals can acknowledge and address negative feelings, those exhibiting toxic positivity tend to dismiss them altogether. Recognizing this distinction is key to fostering a healthier, more supportive environment both at work and in everyday life.
Ignoring negativity doesn’t eliminate it; instead, it amplifies the feelings and their impacts, ultimately harming relationships with ourselves and those around us.
Psychological safety—a shared belief that a group environment is safe for interpersonal risk-taking—is crucial for high-performing teams. In a psychologically safe workplace, team members feel comfortable taking calculated risks, such as:
This environment encourages growth and innovation. However, toxic positivity directly undermines psychological safety, making it harder for teams to thrive.
Just as toxic positivity is learned through conditioning, it can be minimized through awareness and deconditioning. By acknowledging and addressing our true feelings and encouraging others to do the same, we can cultivate genuine positivity and build stronger, higher-performing teams.
Toxic positivity can resemble gaslighting, which involves causing someone to question their reality. For example, making someone feel like they’re overreacting or convincing them that something hurtful is "no big deal" are forms of gaslighting. Recognizing and addressing these behaviors is essential for fostering a healthier, more authentic workplace culture.
Most people mean well, but their actions can still have unintended negative consequences. This is often the case with toxic positivity: despite good intentions, it can cause harm. So, how can you maintain optimism without falling into the trap of toxic positivity? Here are some strategies to find balance and turn good intentions into positive impacts.
Contrary to what many of us have been taught, no feelings are inherently right or wrong, good or bad. As humans, all emotions are part of our experience. When we rush towards unmitigated positivity, we may overlook real, sometimes painful experiences.
Acknowledging and sitting with negative feelings might seem like it would make them worse. However, showing empathy, compassion, and gentleness towards yourself or others during struggles helps process these emotions more effectively than glossing over or repressing them.
Imagine missing a crucial 5:00 p.m. deadline for an important work task. The task took longer than expected, and you ran out of time. Feeling bad, you informed your leader of the current status and worked late to deliver it the next morning.
In a toxic positivity scenario, you might immediately push past the disappointment to feel better. A healthier and more productive approach would involve acknowledging what happened, including the accompanying feelings, learning from the experience, and then moving on.
Psychologists define validation as acknowledging that someone's responses are understandable within their current life context or situation. Our instinct might be to convince someone not to be hard on themselves, but studies show that validation strengthens and heals us. Even if you don’t agree with someone, validating their feelings communicates that it’s okay to feel that way—it doesn't mean you think they're right.
Labelling emotions helps us understand and manage them better. As one study explains, "Emotions are just a form of energy, forever seeking expression… By naming them out loud, we are effectively taking responsibility for them, making it less likely that they will spill out at the expense of others over a day."
Imagine two co-workers discussing their annual reviews over lunch. The company has been struggling, and rumours of potential layoffs have created uncertainty about job security. One colleague was hoping for a promotion but didn't get it and felt disappointed. To support her, co-workers could either try to push her to look on the bright side immediately or first empathize with her feelings.
When faced with complaints or negativity, our instinct is often to try to make the person or ourselves feel better as quickly as possible. However, unless someone is explicitly asking for advice or help solving a problem, our primary role should be to listen and empathize.
Often, people just want to vent and feel heard. Research shows that sharing our emotions reduces stress, makes us feel closer to those we share with, and provides a sense of belonging. When we open up and receive sympathy, we feel seen, understood, and supported, reinforcing psychological safety.
Next time you find yourself rushing to offer solutions, pause and listen first. This is especially important in leadership roles. For instance, if an employee is feeling overwhelmed due to excessive workload, it can be challenging to support them without making them feel inadequate. By acknowledging their feelings and creating a safe space for discussion, you foster trust and strengthen your team.
By practising sympathy before jumping to solutions, you can create a supportive environment where team members feel valued and understood. This approach promotes genuine well-being and a healthier workplace culture.
What if you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s toxic positivity at work? If the person is someone you don’t have a close relationship with, it’s okay to respond with a simple “Okay, thanks.” However, suppose you want to help them better understand and support you. In that case, professionals suggest acknowledging their intent to be helpful, explaining how their comments affect you, and suggesting a more supportive response.
Imagine you're venting to a colleague, Chelsea, about a stakeholder, Joe, who critiqued your work via email and copied your boss. Chelsea tries to cheer you up, but her response comes off as toxic positivity and doesn’t help.
By giving constructive feedback, you help others understand how to support you better. This approach not only addresses the immediate issue but also fosters a more empathetic and effective workplace culture.
Positivity has its place, but true happiness comes from accepting and managing our emotions, even when they are anything but positive. Instead of relying solely on the cheery Chelseas or the sometimes-toxic inspirational figures, let's embrace our whole selves and work together as a resilient team through tough times.
By acknowledging and validating our struggles rather than casting them aside, we create stronger connections and improve our performance. This approach allows us to reach genuine good vibes faster.
When we validate each other's experiences and work through challenges together, we foster a supportive and empathetic work environment. This not only enhances individual well-being but also strengthens the entire team.
Let's commit to embracing our whole selves at work, validating each other's feelings, and overcoming obstacles together. By doing so, we pave the way for authentic positivity and a truly resilient team.